I AM LEGEND owes me $1.86!

First of all, I’m normally not so long winded about a movie.  But after seeing the SPECTACULAR trailers for I Am Legend, I wanted desperately to LOVE it.   

And I didn’t.   

And what makes me upset is that I COULD have loved it, if only the film makers went the extra mile.  And they didn’t.  They left out a quarter of the movie. So here are some comments.  If you’ve seen the movie, please weigh in…  

Spoiler alert! If you haven’t seen Will Smith’s new movie “I Am Legend” yet, well maybe you did but you just don’t know it – you may have sneezed or blinked your eyes, in which case you missed most of the movie. 

Here’s my basic take on the movie: Good first draft –  now go back, develop some plot lines and character development, add some back story for certain characters, and give us a better ending. 

And by doing that, you’ll make this movie a realistic length of 120-130 minutes, instead of its’ measly 100 minutes.  In fact, here’s a picture of Will Smith looking for the rest of the movie….   

Where’s the rest of my movie? 

And so, since all criticism should be constructive, let’s start with what was good: 

 – Will Smith’s acting.  He’s come a long way since The Fresh Prince…

 – Will Smith’s abs.  Very impressive.  I’m actually jealous.  I could have those too, but I love Twizzlers too much…

 – The Manhattan wasteland.  I don’t know what they did to make that, but between blocking off real streets and CG, it’s impressive.

 – All the cool stuff he does during the day (golf balls off the aircraft carrier, hunting with an assault rifle, driving a freshly washed and waxed Mustang GT ) 

 – The lack of chronology.  Having the cause of the crisis as a series of flashbacks actually worked for me. Surprisingly.  

Now here’s what needed some work

 – The creatures.  Why go all CG?  Why not humans with lots of makeup like other great zombie movies of late? (28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, for example).  They are, after all, REAL people affected by a virus, not space aliens!

  – Hinted plots not fully developed or explained.  There are several to choose from:

1. Show us more back-story on the initial spread of the virus, and the “zombie” transformation process. 

2. How does 40 year old Army dude (Smith) become the hope for mankind, getting on the cover of Time (posted on his fridge) and his family gets the royal treatment.  What about the CDC?  Other global organizations?  Why him? 

3. How could he NOT smell the zombies in the blackened building?  Would the whole place, especially their “lair” not WREAK of B.O.? 

4. Show us more of his mental breakdown BEFORE he gets caught in the trap. ‘Cause ain’t nobody THAT stupid! 

5. Show us LOTS of his mental breakdown AFTER the dog Sam dies.  And I mean a long, slow degradation of his mind once Sam is gone (since the dog was the only thing keeping him teetering on the edge of sanity.) 

6. I don’t believe that Anna and the mute kid saved him from the zombies. Uh-uh, no way Jose.  Give us something SLIGHTLY believable. 

7. Were Anna and the kid staying at the Ritz Carlton getting facials and manicures for 3 years?  ‘Cause it looked like it!  Fresh clothes, amply fed, and apparently a car that FLOATS ON WATER TO GET TO MANHATTAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C’mon – we’re not idiots, and not making Anna and the kid look like they’ve been through the wringer trying to stay alive is nonsense, and we’re too smart for it!  Are the zombies only in Manhattan, while middle America is full of flowing gas pumps and a cornucopia of nature’s freshest foods?   

8. How did Anna and the kid get out?  ‘Cause they were in a basement with 50 zombies.  Sure, Will told them to wait until daylight, at which point they would have come out into the STILL-DARKENED BASEMENT WITH 50 ZOMBIES!!!!  It could have been the Summer Solstice, and it still would have been a darkened basement with, oh, say, 50 ZOMBIES!  (The key word here is basement, as in “no daylight”….  Cool, thanks for tracking with me.) 

9. And finally, after their car floated BACK OVER the Hudson River, Anna and the kid were tooling on a Sunday drive through Vermont looking at the leaves, when what should they stumble upon?  A giant wall, right in the middle of nowhere.  With 2 guards.  Anyone care a guess as to how a giant wall ended up surrounding M. Night Shymalan’s “The Village”?  Yeah, I can’t figure it out either. 

So, since I believe they left out at least 25% of what the movie SHOULD have been, I feel I am entitled to receive a refund of $1.86 (we saw the $7.50 matinee).  If you saw it in the evening, obviously you are entitled to more…  

And if you think of what the movie has grossed since its release?  Domestic Total as of Jan. 1, 2008: $205,090,000.   

Take a look at that number! They owe us all $51,272,500! 

OK, I’m done.  Did YOU see it? What did you think? 

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2 thoughts on “I AM LEGEND owes me $1.86!

  1. Hi. First off i want to start off by saying that i agree with most of the review especially the fact that Anna and the kid had no way of getting there yet they just show up with a fresh looking SUV and the main idea of this review which is that the movie should have been more thought out and inevitably longer. I only have a few points to touch upon but outside of those, very good review. I personally think that the “Darkseekers” set the trap namely their leader for Robert (will) and he was having a breakdown at the time so the fact that “Fred” was not at the video store just freaked him out therefor he just had to check it out and was totally caught by surprise because there is supposed to be no one else alive and he didn’t believe that the “Darkseekers” could set such a trap. My point is it wasn’t that he was stupid, he was just caught off guard. The way that Anna and the kid are supposed to get out is because he used that grenade to blow himself and all the “Darkseekers” up allowing them to escape although I’m not sure why he wanted them to hide there till morning considering that there are no windows and more “Darkseekers” could just come in but other than that, that is how they are supposed to be able to escape. Like i said other than the two points i had to make, i think you did a very good job.

  2. Seth,

    Thanks for your comments, and you’ve got some good points. And yes, I forgot about Will and the grenade in the basement.

    But that brings up a new point – wouldn’t the rest of the house catch fire, leaving Anna and the kid under a pile of burning rubble? Just a thought…

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